A Day in the Life

Headline: James Roach, Internet Musician, Goes Missing After Making Several Phone Calls to Taylor

Police can’t make heads or tails of the mysterious disappearance of the Tumblr famous user soselfimportant.

On the morning of January 24th, 2012, police found that Roach made several calls and posted several messages on social networking sites to an unidentified “Taylor”. Authorities are currently tracking the phone number and IP address of Twitter user EnEnKay.

“Hopes are high,” states chief inspector Will Duky Ahnyerfayce, “the last message Mr. Roach posted on his blog leads us to believe that he will remain alive.”

The “message” police found Roach type, presumably right before his disappearance, read:

“oh god stop she’s gonna rip my balls off”.